This will be our last week of this scriptural marriage study, and we’ll be going over one last topic as well as a summary of some of the high points of this study. One thing to keep in mind before we get into it though, is that we can study all we want and dig really deep into things like Greek words and their meanings, but unless we take what we learn and apply it we will never reap the benefit of our study. YHWH wants us to live a happy and healthy life, to include our relationship with others, which is why He provided all of this knowledge to begin with. If we don’t apply it, we will never achieve YHWH’s desires for us.
The last topic we have is what we should do if we have either a believing or an unbelieving spouse. This is a topic discussed by Paul in the first letter to the church in Corinth, and he includes it as a follow on to his discussion regarding fulfilling marital duties and his advice to unmarried and widows (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). First and foremost, he states that YHWH’s commandment is that neither the husband nor the wife separate/divorce each other.
He does mention a concession that if a wife separates from her husband, she must either remain unmarried or reconcile with her husband. A husband however, is not allowed such a concession, and the statement is simply that he must not divorce his wife. Here, right off the bat, we have an interesting difference between commandments to the wife versus the husband, and that has to do with what the wife was permitted to do in the culture at the time.
While a husband was legally allowed to divorce his wife, the wife had no such legal ability. That’s why Paul uses the word separate vice divorce when writing to the wife. Apparently, based on Paul’s statement, wives did separate from their husbands on occasion, despite not having a legal avenue to do so. According to HELPS Word-studies, the Greek word used for separate means “vacate,” and in this context specifically, it meant vacating the relationship in soul or body. So, by this, we can infer that the wife separating can mean either a physical leaving or a sort of mental leaving.
Either way, Paul’s statement is that the only next step she can take in the relationship if she does this is to either return to her husband or never marry again. Interestingly, the Greek word Paul uses for reconciling literally means, “to change to an exact point,” which in this context means to change the relationship back to a marriage. I believe this can either mean the wife changing her position on why she left, or both the wife and husband changing their positions on whatever issue caused the wife to leave.
Paul then goes on to give some other statements, however this time he specifies that these are not from YHWH. As we read on, it seems to become clear why he provides this caveat. He doesn’t have any scriptural basis for his statements, and he wants to make it clear that he’s just thinking logically through this topic based on what he knows scripturally.
Based on his knowledge that the husband and wife become one flesh upon marriage (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9), Paul was extrapolating that the sanctification one receives based on their belief in Yeshua as the Messiah is imputed to their non-believing spouse. He makes it as a statement of fact, however he can’t say it’s from YHWH because he can’t point to a verse in scripture or words from Yeshua that make that statement. And the key to his statements is the word he uses for “unbelieving.”
Paul uses the word apiston when talking about an unbelieving spouse. This word is a combination of the Greek letter alpha, which is used as a negating letter, and the word pistos, which means faithful. In other words, apiston means "not faithful." Now, this is not referencing how we use the word faithful in terms of marriage today, and we know that for two reasons. First, Paul states that we receive sanctification based on this faithfulness, and we know that sanctification does not occur simply by being faithful to your husband or wife. Second, every time we see this Greek word, it’s in the context of faith in YHWH or faith in Yeshua. Furthermore, we know that our sanctification only occurs through Yeshua our Messiah (1 Corinthians 6:11).
So, in these statements, Paul is not talking about a spouse that doesn’t believe the same doctrines or the same scriptural interpretations. He is talking about a spouse that doesn’t believe that Yeshua is the Son of YHWH, He came in the flesh, was crucified for the forgiveness of all the sins of mankind, that through His sacrifice we are given the opportunity for eternal life, and that through belief in those things, he or she has seized that opportunity and has received eternal life. In this case, Paul states that the believer should remain married to his or her spouse, and the whole context of these statements is situations where one spouse came to believe while the couple were already married. In those situations, Paul says, the believer should remain with his or her spouse if that spouse is willing to remain married despite their difference of beliefs. Paul also goes on to mention that based on the belief of one spouse, the children in the marriage are also sanctified.
Then comes the interesting part. Paul states that if an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is to let him or her go. Again, Paul uses the Greek word that means “vacate,” here. His justification for this action is that YHWH has called us to live in peace, which is interesting. While Paul does not elaborate on how it would be justifiable for a believer divorce, given the fact that He just said YHWH’s commandment is that no one divorces, his statement that the believer is “not bound/not under bondage” in these situations gives a hint as to his thought process. Namely, in order for a believer to be bound by this particular commandment, both parties in the marriage need to actually acknowledge that it’s a commandment they are to follow to begin with. If a spouse does not believe in YHWH or Yeshua, he or she will not acknowledge that They have any authority to make any commandments that he or she should follow.
Paul then closes out this topic by summarizing his logic. If a believing spouse remains married to an unbelieving spouse, in a peaceful and harmonious marriage, who knows if eventually that unbeliever will recognize Yeshua as his or her Lord and Savior? At a minimum, the sanctification received by the believer is shared with the unbeliever, and the children are also sanctified, so it would be better not to “rock the boat,” so to speak, by getting a divorce just because you started believing in Yeshua and your spouse didn't.
So, that about sums it up! We’ve taken a look at a lot of different aspects of marriage throughout our multi-week study. While every one is important in its own right, there are a few that deserve a quick review/summary.
First, when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh. The result is that both physically and spiritually things from one spouse are imputed on the other. For example, sanctification of a believing spouse extends to the unbelieving spouse.
Second, there was a hierarchy for marriage instituted by YHWH. In the overall order of creation, above all is YHWH, then comes Yeshua who, for the time being, has been granted all authority over heaven and earth (Matthew 28:18) until the time He gives that back to YHWH (1 Corinthians 15:24-25). Under Yeshua is the husband, under the husband is the wife, and under the wife are the children. If we either actively or inadvertently do anything to upset that hierarchy, we will create problems. And a lot of the problems we see in the world today are due to this hierarchy not being followed.
Third, to go along with the hierarchy, the husband is the leader in marriage as well as the protector. His design physically and his position in the hierarchy gives him these roles. The husband is to lead by example and by direction to his family. The wife is the helper to the husband and works with the husband to lead the children. We should not forget however, that truth and personal sacrifice, laying down your life for your spouse daily, is an important part of the relationship.
Finally, scripture provides some characteristics of marriage, some of which are given in the context of role model positions in the ekklesia. Monogamy is the big one. Others include a husband that values his wife, and a wife that respects her husband. Also, that husbands and wives should not withhold themselves from one another. And that while wives are to submit to their husbands, as believers our ultimate loyalty is to Yeshua and YHWH.
I hope this in-depth look at marriage according to scripture has been a blessing to you. Remember, unless we apply the things we learned it was all for naught! Have a great week!
Shabbat shalom and YHWH bless you!
-Rob and Sara Gene
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